10 THINGS I HATE About Going Clubbing

#10 People that cant use the toilet properly

Yep…We all have experienced it…you need to take a number 2 and you walk in and there is a number 1 EVERYWHERE! I mean come on! And if its not a number 2 you need to do….and a number one…its like leap frog to get away from all the number one ponds that have been left in the cubicle or the urinal…Come on gents…hold em and spray em in the RIGHT DIRECTION!

#9 Bouncers Letting their Friends in and Making You Wait

This is about the little red rope and ‘we being at capacity’ yet they can let all their mates in with no problems and give them stamps for free entry! Don’t get me wrong! I know plenty of bouncers that will help my crew out…but they are not arrogant/selfish about it.

#8 Bouncers not taking bribes (your pockets aren’t deep enough)

HOOOOHOO! Alright. So I’m sure you have all been in this situation where the line is 1000000000 meters long and everyone standing in it (especially the end) think they are getting in when the club is at near capacity…don’t get me started on the logic of the people at the back…But then you go to the front bouncer with cash in your hand ready to do the handshake and exchange the ‘envelope of happiness’ and you clarify by saying…mate…$200 and you let me and 2 mates in…and you get a slap in the face with a comment…”your pockets aren’t deep enough!”….
 umm…WTF!?! Your mind starts spinning and tells you…these bouncers are LUCKY to make that in a night!!! I mean COME ON!

#7 Paying for entry

My pet hate! Paying $15 cover charge….I mean…really you need to charge me to enter your club when I’m about to drop $500 on the bar and leave me waiting with that silly red rope and bouncer attitude? I mean if that is the case…you should be paying to come in to capitalise on my margins! I mean…let me in for free and I’ll spend $1,000 if you are polite…as opposed to $500 if you are not! Think it through…Seriously. Its like a restaurant asking for a bond to come and sit at table! Do you really think I’m coming in to stand around and do nothing!? I want to drink! So WHY CHARGE ME FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE YOU MORE MONEY!!!!!

#6 No smoking in the eating area

Now this is hilarious. I can smoke if I move to the stairs…yet I can’t smoke at the bottom of the stairs…I’m sorry but does 1 meter REALLY make a difference?!?! Welcome to Australia…The land of rules and regulation. How is it that being 1 meter from a food eating area… its okay. Its all the same! Ridiculous…and to all the non smokers out there preaching that it does…quick questions…when you stand on a busy road, how much smoke do you think you inhale from passing cars? I bet you not even anywhere close to my cigarette.

#5 Waiting for that little red rope to be opened

Oh that little little little red rope. They just get their kicks off it! I mean how many times have you been at the front of the line…the very front and your told…30 mins, yet their friends rock up and it’s a free ride in. I can understand if you look like douche bag, but if you are polite and dressed nice and the bouncer…or in their eyes…them being god…can let 20 of their mates in…what difference does it make if they let another 3 people in that are polite…Oh! Capacity mate…capacity! COME ON! Get of your high horse and go to the yods to relieve that stress and anxiety that has been pent up inside!

#4 Shoes aren’t good enough mate

LOL! Have you ever gone out to some little club where the dress code is neat/casual…and the bouncer at the door stares at your Tiger shoes…and says…mate…I understand your wearing nicely fitted and hemmed jeans…an nice collar and a jacket to match…but I’m sorry, your shoes have a little speck of white on them and won’t let you in…I mean Jesus who are you mate? The fashion police?!?! I mean come on mate, my shoes are more expensive than your whole outfit!

#3 Packed Clubs

I understand ratios and crowd control…but I mean come on. Lets leave people some room. There is nothing worst than going into a club and having to sit/stand in a sardine can as the greedy owners or bouncers have let everyone under the sun in!

#2 Bartenders that ignore you

So…I have my wallet on the counter…my cash sitting on top of my wallet…clearly I was next…yet for some reason I have been ignored. WTF!?! Is it because you can’t stand the thought of me being better than you? Or is it because your mates are around and you have to serve them.

Come on! Your mates only come here to score free drinks while I am a paying customer who is willing to spend money…but hey its not your business…be a douche…Then after that you are still ignored for that smoking lady that just rocked up…common courtesy…out the window…well mate you can expect nothing in tips and nothing in courtesy as you have shown me none!

#1 Douche bags that take their tops off

I mean really…come on. I can still remember the time when I was talking to my bouncer mate at Geisha (FYI…Best club in Perth) when he rejected a little man…and the little man started verbally abusing him and then decided to take his top off after he had been smacked to the ground and try and start something. I mean come on…taking your shirt/top off…please enlighten me as to what that proves? If you can fight…does it really matter if your top is on or off….PLEASE!